you might have a loser boyfriend
may this love never find you
first year in college. fresh faced, overly optimistic, and in a long distance with a piece of shit LOSER BOYFRIEND. the same loser boyfriend weaseled himself into my life after SEXUALLY ASSAULTING ME (i’m going to spare the details but i was blackout drunk and then was too nice to be “mean” to him afterwards), the JOBLESS loser boyfriend i always paid for when he’d beg me to “feed him”, the DELUSIONAL loser boyfriend who had me resend my heartfelt valentine’s day gift because he hated the first one.
looking back it’s so clear that i had low self esteem, because none of these things are congruent with self love. back then, i thought low self esteem was what other people had, surely not ME - a normal girl (whatever that meant to 17 year-old me lmao). after all, i was doing everything i was told by society a girl should do: just put up with his shit because guys “don’t know better”.
since then i’ve only had one more loser boyfriend who was by all definitions, the final boss of loser boyfriends. i’m so serious, something shifted in me after passing that test. my loser senses are HONED IN… NONE SHALL PASS!!!!!!
🚨 signs you may have a loser boyfriend 🚨
deeply insecure and suspicious about your healthy relationships with friends, leading you to spend less time with friends to avoid fights or misunderstandings
never pays for you or even offers to pay
goes on rants about things he can’t control - and somehow it’s never his fault
you feel like his mom sometimes in a bad way
thinks it’s funny when something is in your teeth, your hair is weird, etc. even though you’ve repeatedly told him to please let you know so you don’t look like an idiot in public
emotionally manipulative - makes you feel bad about normal things you did, leading you to hyperanalyze yourself as if you did something wrong (YOU ARE PERFECT, OK?)
constantly misinterprets you in a negative light, leading you to hyperanalyze yourself EVEN MORE
triggered by anything and everything - you start walking on eggshells and create mental lists of certain words or topics to avoid.
good days turn into bad days (or vice versa) at any moment
feeling unsafe when he drives, smokes weed while driving, etc.
criticizes you in any way, shape, or form - directly or indirectly (especially if you’re in a better place in life than he is)
weaponizes things you’ve said in the past against you
doesn’t know how to cook with no sign of trying, learning, or helping in the kitchen
pees in bottles… just NO!!!!!!!!
thinks very highly of himself, or the way he does things, to the point of closed minded absurdity
not financially responsible (like buying weed instead of paying his half of rent)
covering his rent, car payment, or bills ANY NUMBER OF TIMES. LISTEN TO ME: ONE TIME IS TOO MANY!!!!!!
you realize you’re using a certain persona around him to avoid triggering him
you find yourself justifying his behavior and trying to rationalize it (this will make you feel crazy)
acts like he knows more than you, or knows what’s best for you over your own judgement (ditto)
the whole relationship feels like you’re on a rollercoaster in his twisted world, and you’re constantly compromising, bracing yourself, or just trying to keep it together to avoid conflict
i know this is a lengthy list, but this is for the girlies. pay attention to how loser boyfriend makes your body feel (this also applies to friendships). do you feel tense or at ease? confused or confident? are you constantly searching for answers on reddit? do your friends/family like him or avoid him? oftentimes it takes more than one clue for it to click into place, even more so when you’re convinced you’re in love.
bonus: ~spiritual~ loser boyfriend
believes he’s a spiritual authority (can’t step outside ego)
doesn’t respect the pace of your own spiritual journey
thinks he’s jesus… 🫥
LOVE YOURSELF AND THE PATRIARCHY CRUMBLES.
when i started this post, i wondered - are loser boyfriends a rite of passage for girls everywhere? it pains me to think this could be true (and it very well could be). on one hand, surviving the trenches of loserdom forced me to learn radical self love. on the other, it’s time for the patriarchy to go fuck itself. both men and women deserve more!!!
i can’t state this enough: self love is NOT OPTIONAL FOR WOMEN’S WELLNESS AND SURVIVAL.
women who love themselves SPEAK UP, set boundaries, and advocate for themselves. these same women are called “intimidating”, “bossy”, and “difficult to work with” but who does that really benefit? these labels aim to keep us small and manageable!!
at the end of the day, loser boyfriends are simply roleplaying microscopic expressions of the larger patriarchal system. the key is to observe what you need to (you don’t even have to date them), then flick them off like the parasites they are. never, ever look back.
when we actively declare, “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE,” we choose freedom. we regain divine connection with our innate worth, purpose, and intuition. our soul recognizes the universal truth that love stems from within (and suddenly all the cliches start making sense).
if my list helps just one person in the world, my job here is done. wishing you handwritten love notes, peace of mind, and a dozen roses… (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡
-best regards from the ether 🌀