april activations
coming to terms with being a human with a body
i’ve been thinking a lot about our physical bodies - how our vessels mirror the traits we chose to crystallize in this lifetime. down to the moles on our face, the lines on our palms, the shape of our eyes, the sound of our voice. i’ve always regarded my body secondary to my mind. but the longer i’m alive, the more it’s clear that being embodied is fundamental to spiritual growth. we came here for a physical experience; it’s the whole point of it all. it’s our right to investigate the pleasures and indulgences of this density, as well as the imperfections and illusions of separation.
spirituality without grounding is nonsense. not because it’s crazy or untrue, but because it doesn’t make sense to the plane we’re currently on.
with that, i’m beginning to warm up to something i used to bypass entirely: the need to ground more deeply into my physical body, and enjoy it. how fitting for taurus season, the earthiest of earth signs!!
the spiritual wound of having a body… is there such a thing?
when i locked eyes with a book called “body astrology” at the beaverton powells, it was in perfect timing (ty maxito supportive king!!! <3). digging into this book these last few weeks has kind of been a wake up call. ever since the catastrophic events of spring 2023, i’ve been struggling a little extra with appetite and hunger signals. the stress made me skinny, yet to my surprise, didn’t like being thin. i felt like a fragile stick underneath my baggy, ill-fitting clothes (don’t worry i’m back to my normal weight).
for months afterwards, i could only stomach a few bites at a time before feeling full. my go-to “dinner” was half a bag of sweet plantain chips from trader joes. this wreaked havoc on daily nourishment habits, as you can imagine. i’d been framing these issues as perks in my convenience-oriented mind, because let’s be honest, it’s so much easier to coast by on girl dinners than prepare vegetables, rice, and a form of protein that also tastes good (very important).
as my body regulated and healed from the trauma, i wasn’t keeping up with its needs. recently, my hunger signals began escalating, desperate to catch my attention with intense headaches, extreme hanger, nausea, and occasional vomiting at night from said nausea (i know… it was bad…). over time, i’d inadvertently taught my body that alerting me to hunger was an inconvenience. which it’s obviously NOT - we literally need to eat to survive - but ironically, in my journey of healing and radical self love, i’d completely overlooked my physical health.
so back to the book - i won’t bore you with details, but approaching the body from an astrological perspective has been weirdly affirming (and way more interesting!!).
like all things related to health, the solution felt pretty obvious… duh, eat on time and build trust with your body, etc. maybe i’m just a baby and i needed the right plastic spoon to feed the information to me??? (my theoretical spoon is pink and shaped like a bunny).
when my body realized it was finally being heard, i think it literally sighed in relief. i wasn’t expecting anything emotional from this shift but i definitely cried, and DEFINITELY felt better afterwards. the body truly does keep the score.
anyway, all this to say, take care of your body and mother it lovingly. it’s your one beautiful, unique vessel!!
🌟🌷🌟🌷SO MANY FLOWERS!!!!! 🌷🌟🌷🌟
it feels like maxito has lived here forever!! we appreciated hundreds (perhaps thousands) of beautiful flowers, spied on birds at oaks bottom, attended two concerts, took a mini trip to seattle, saw a 1000 year-old bonsai, and dusted off our 3DS to play old games together.
behold this mugwort daifuku we ate at obon, which we split in half continuously until it was just a speck amidst the kinako dust.
april highlights (local edition):
curious comedy theater: didn’t know what to expect but it was great!! improv is NOT my strong suit so i was thoroughly impressed by the display of talent. 10/10
i understand the kachka hype now!!! faves: 7 layer herring salad, sour cherry vareniki dumplings 12/10
made a return to bardo, this time with jordie and friends. we tried the “brooklyn basement” tea, which tasted like a dude’s apartment… someone who lights incense, plays guitar, giant tapestry on the wall, maybe owns a lot of books and spends too much time barefoot. it wasn’t for me, but the others liked it. 5/10 for the tea choice, 10/10 for bardo
finally visited franks a lot for their gluten free corn dog!! it was a nice snack for a spring stroll! i will say, the vibes of the guys working there were off… 6/10 bc vibes
my brother has been on a caloric deficit AKA diet, and it’s reminding me how much i don’t believe in diets LOL 0/10
truth be told, i was hit with physical exhaustion for much of april which left me little energy to write. on some days, even walking at a normal pace had me out of breath and completely drained (i basically had a month long luteal phase… every girl’s nightmare LOL).
i’m trying so hard to listen to my body, and a small part of me is like - HOW MUCH MORE REST DO YOU NEED??!!! despite everything, i’m choosing to trust my body’s intuition. she clearly knows more than i do, and being tired isn’t something you can just wish away. overall i’m proud of showing up this month, my tired self and all!
unpacking my beef with instagram
a few weeks ago, a popular influencer featured my dad’s store (we sell fried chicken) to the masses. for the next few days, he was absolutely swamped with koreans and suburbanites (we are korean). i observed how this felt in my body, being the target/subject of content creation. icky. non-consensual.
they didn’t feature my dad at all, which weirdly felt disrespectful? our fried chicken is a local gem that most long-time portlanders are familiar with. my dad is a part of the historically black alberta community; he’s watched generations of kids grow up and become adults, funded local baseball teams, gives out halloween candy and dog treats, and has witnessed the gentrification of alberta street. everyone knows him - you can’t really separate the chicken from my dad. i don’t believe in gatekeeping, but i also think there’s something to my desire to shield our store from virality and thoughtless mass consumption.
i could make an entire post about my thoughts on that, but on a personal note, i made two posts on instagram to see if i would enjoy posting casually (i did not).
posting on instagram is a joyless process!!!!
the algorithm is the antithesis of joy. it creates pressure to do it “right” - a cruel reward system with no satisfying end. i do enjoy the app in small doses from a passive perspective (i love cute dogs and art). HOWEVER, posting adds a dimension to my relationship to the app that i don’t appreciate or need in my life!
that being said…
i’m considering alternatives to casual photo sharing. creating blog posts for photos doesn’t feel right (maybe i’m wrong and i just need to try it out??). anyway-
april tidbits (and downloads)
as above, so below… this is what i’ve been observing this month. the more i learn about energy, the more i’ve come to understand that everything boils down to something so simple.
i can always tell when it’s written by AI 🫥
self actualization has unlimited reach. doing the inner work to dissolve barriers to self actualization is the work.
i’m on my 11th book this year! literally insane…
consider the idea of “NOW”
NOW is the only moment we are able to experience, and the only moment that is tangible and real - not the past nor future.
our consciousness creates the illusion of continuity by stringing together infinite moments of NOW.
the future is never set in stone (because it isn’t NOW), and speculations of the future are merely projections of beliefs from past experiences, wounds, belief systems, and patterns.
to lean into your power NOW, you must let go of the past, and relinquish perceived control over the future - this is surrender.
my last year and half has been a period of ultimate surrender. when i reflect on who i was 5 years ago, i can’t help but send infinite love and encouragement to every younger version of me. today i’m grateful for undertaking this journey and never giving up!!!!! 💗
wishing ALL TAURUSES the happiest birthday, a beautiful meal, and a hot bubble bath. and to all of us: eat a donut today and thank your body! <3
-best regards from the ether 🌀